and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
