my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Randomize
