sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Come see our sink grown plant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize