Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
