good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize