Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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