I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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