for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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