It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's get the cat blown out
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
God, I missed his penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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