Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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