he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
