So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
