My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
