Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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