Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
