I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
