Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
