you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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