I wish my penis had an off switch
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
