I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
being pregnant is like rehab
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
