So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize