So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
