dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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