Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
