I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
