Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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