and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
