are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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