What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
