Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
