no you cant smoke seaweed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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