Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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