you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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