Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
