i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
