apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
