um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
