That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize