So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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