I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
