UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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