If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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