we have pet lesbian snakes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
