wanna go halves on a baby?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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