ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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