my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
