pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
