I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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