i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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