You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize