1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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