i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
