Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
