We won't sleep together?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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