She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
