Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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