Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
