I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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