Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
