the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
