I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
