Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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