peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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