How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
